All Donovan Fans, Please Stand Up!

So last time we met I said I was sure something exciting was going to happen and something did.  Well at least for me it was exciting.  You see we're big soccer fans, Galaxy fans to be exact. We have season seats, so we spend most of our weekends at the stadium during soccer season.  

I'm a HUGE Landon Donovan fan and on Saturday I was asked to do the coin toss before the game. As most of you know when you do the coin toss the captains and referees are there and who's the Galaxy captain you ask.  Well none other than Donovan. Needless to say, I was super excited, so excited that most of that part of my evening is a big blur.  What I do remember is being on the field, in awe, because all of the players where about 10 ft. away, including Beckham, and just saying "Thank you Jesus, Thank you Jesus, Thank you Jesus".  

I just kept thinking, "this is not a coincidence". Nothing is a coincidence in the life of a believer.  As silly as this may sound, I know God had his hand in it. Why? Because Jesus knows I'm a huge fan, and He knew that would make my day! Out of thousands of fans, I was the one on the field!  That's crazy! Again, this might sound silly but I felt like God was telling me "I'm here, I hear you, I know you, just relax, have fun and stop worrying".  Honestly, He made a small dream of mine come true. I believe He wanted to give me a little taste of what He has in store for me.

He's knows every detail in my life, He's concerned about every detail in my life, He even knows I'm a huge Donovan fan and here's the picture to prove it.

20 days of Silence

So what has it been, about 20 days?  These past twenty days have felt more like twenty weeks.  So emotionally exhausting that I contemplated not blogging anymore because honestly I didn't have anything productive to say.  Just as I don't like to hear Aliyah whine, I'm sure you didn't want to keep hearing me whine.  

Well, I'm sitting here today in a much better place.  Filled with peace and joy and really nothing on the outside has changed.  I still haven't gotten any auditions, I still have to go to work everyday, be a wife, housekeeper, bookkeeper, dogkeeper, you get the picture.  It's just amazing the peace and joy one can feel once you put all your faith and hope in the Lord and trust that He wants and has nothing but the best for us.

It's been a very painful pruning process, a time of suffering, that's for sure.  I just know that something great is going to come out of this because like I learned on Sunday @ church, great things come from suffering.  It produces fruit; patience, joy, knowledge, maturity.  You glorify God.  It's a time when God has to get rid of something inside of me that's just not good.  

It may be painful but all I can say is I'm excited.  I'm super excited to see what the Lord has in store for me.  This very excitement puts me here, writing away.  I know that I will have some fun and exciting news to share.  When and what, I don't know, but I'll keep you posted.  So until we meet again.

 

Excuse the madness!

Have you ever wanted something so bad it makes your stomach ache. You know what you want but have no clue how to get it or get there, or IF you'll even get it. Well welcome to my world for the past 15 years.  For some strange reason the pursuit of my acting career has done this to me. Especially in the last year since I have taken it up again.  The desire to succeed in this field has brought up so many emotions for me. Fear, guilt, doubt, anxiety. 

Fear of failing.  I'll just quit, it's easier, that way if it never happens I don't have to admit to everyone that I didn't succeed. 

How dare I ask for more!  I have a great family, my health, a job, a house, a supercrazyfunnywonderful step daughter, 2 dogs and an AMAZING husband.  

I convince myself that not only am I not worthy of MY dreams coming true but that I'm also being super selfish in the process and wonderful things happen to everyone else, not me.  

"Why aren't I booking any jobs, is this God telling me to quit, am I not cutting it, why am I doing this, what was I thinking, i'm married, I have a family, responsibilities!!!"

I'm going to be honest, I haven't felt this whacked out probably since like never.  It's a totally different emotion for me, so weird that I seriously can not deal with it at times.  The ONLY thing that brings me comfort is knowing that GOD is in control and I know HE has his hand in all of this madness and I know he will make sense out of all of this.

If you followed my blog before I had "technical difficulties" and "accidentally" deleted it you'll know that this started out as a journey.  A journey of my acting career and a major work that God was doing in my life.  Again, I don't know where either will end up.  What I do know is that "He will never leave me nor forsake me" (Hebrews 13:5). Basically God will never abandon me and leave me stranded. So In times of fear, doubt, guilt and anxiety, I must cling to God and his promises.

Under Construction!

My heart, my mind, my thoughts. Everything under construction. Thank you for your patience.